We don't need to rank order cold.

originally written from Fresno, California in Feb 2021

We don't need to rank-order hurt.
(or cold 🥶)

Here's the thing.
A few weeks of the year in Fresno it's in the 30s and 40s and here in California, we freeze.

Or at least, I freeze.

I was born in New Jersey. I moved around a lot. I went to high school in Chicagoland. College in Iowa. Trust me, I know REAL cold. Below zero cold. Frozen nose hair cold. Windburn. Can't breathe. Shorts when it's 40 because it feels like spring.

But then I moved to California and now I BUNDLE UP when it's 60. Because you know what?

WE DON'T NEED TO RANK-ORDER COLD.
If you're cold, you're cold.
I'm cold.

Same goes for hurt.
If you're hurting, you're hurting.

I re-listened to Brene's #UnlockingUs episode from March on Comparative Suffering tonight.

Here are a few of my takeaways.

Comparing our suffering to another's isn't helpful.

When you say, "this has been really hard for but me but...." (usually followed up with something about how much you have to be thankful for or how others "have it worse...") you are dismissing your OWN feels.

Not helpful.

YOUR feelings are real, no matter what someone else might be going through.

It's dangerous to compare our suffering.

LISTEN.

Empathy is not finite.
LOVE is not what needs to be rationed right now.

Give yourself more empathy.
Give others more empathy.

There is PLENTY of compassion to go around but we have to start with attending to your OWN feelings.

Let's stopppp putting each other down.
Let's stooopp ranking suffering.

When you put yourself down for suffering, it can also kill your empathy for others.

It's important to let ourselves feel these hard emotions.
Honor your own struggle. Honor others.

Hurt is hurt.
Hard feelings are human.

And I'll embrace wearing this beanie when it's 55 out degrees because I'm cold and it's a real feeling.

😉